Garden Etiquette for Visitors

caliloo(z6/7)January 1, 2013

This is a compilation of suggestions from several Garden Web Hosta Forum Regulars. I claim no responsibility to authorship, I was simply the vehicle to post these pearls of wisdom. If you read the forums regularly, I'm sure you will be able to guess the identity of several of the contributors.

Happy Hosta-ing!

********************************************************* Garden Etiquette

1. I did NOT invite you over to use my bathrom ... SO DO NOT ASK .... because i cleaned the garden for your visit, not the house... take care of this before you get here ... though obviously emergencies occur ...and dont stop at micky dee's to take care of it and then buy the 200 ounce pop because it is hot out there .... and then 2 hours later have to use the bathroom .... i will provide you with enough liquids to survive .... perhaps a tablespoon at a time ...

2. DO NOT walk in my garden beds, unless you have permission.

3. IGNORE the idiot dog, when standing near my beds .... to watch you turn him into a frothing love hound and rip up my labels and plants is truly disheartening ... we have the the middle of the lawn for that ...

4. Either bring a gift .... LIKE A HOSTA .. or any perennial .... or send a thank you note ... i did a lot of work for your visit ... and i want some afterglow ... a note a few days later .. usually gets you another invite w/o question ... and probably a hosta next time ... nothing pricey ... it is the gesture ... not the value ...

5. Leash your children if they are a problem [though they are usually not the children of hosta nuts ... these children have been taught the proper priorities] ... or bring something that will entertain them ... and dont rely on my dog to be the entertainment ... he is an idiot ... see above ....

6. Leash your uninterested significant other ... or insure they bring something to entertain themselves ... or better yet .. leave the uninterested at home ... i hate cutting short a tour with someone who is truly interested because they are distracted by someone else ... and suggest to them that if they have nothing nice to say ... they need not say anything ...

7. Do NOT resort to platitudes in describing the beauties before you. Also, PLEASE do NOT tell me how so-and-so's plants are doing better than mine, for whatever reason.

8. be on time .... i have waited and worked like a dog anticipating your visit .. have some respect ... and calling is not sufficient, because i will be out there an hour ahead sprucing up the garden waiting for you .... and i wont be near the phone ..... i will NOT be upset if there was an emergency ...

9. DO NOT try to surreptitiously purloin a piece of ANYTHING (with that plastic spoon hidden in your pocket) without asking my permission. If you ask nicely, I MAY give it to you-but on my terms.

  1. if you can grow one better than me .... be prepared to discuss all variables in your success so that i may figure out what you are doing right that i am not...
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