Very good post, and it's interesting to hear what people have to say. What Suzy says is worth the most serious consideration. I'm confused on the subject. First, I've been gardening for over twenty years, and am on my third serious garden (there have been some minor ones in between), which I've been working on for about a decade now. Currently I have about 350 varieties of roses and about 500-600 plants, not to mention hundreds of other shrubs, subshrubs, perennials, and so on. The garden is currently about two acres in size and will increase a bit more before we stop expanding. All this is to explain my situation. My garden is many things to me. It's a plant collection, with emphasis on old and older roses; I'm particularly fond of the once-flowering old roses which are so little grown in Italy, and of the Teas, also little cultivated. It's my aesthetic experiment, my lifetime work of art, my form of creative expression, and I can't put into words how important this is to me. My garden is also a long term experiment in low-impact gardening. I want to see what happens if I grow roses and other plants with just water the first year, mulch, pruning, weeding, cutting the grass, and not much else. The results have been encouraging enough that I keep on going with the same basic practices. In terms of consumption, my conscience is in pretty good shape. The land the garden takes up was grassland, some of it very weedy and poor, marginal areas given over to weeds, and one part, the shade garden, was a mixture of brushy woods and swamp and the site of our predecessors' burn pile and dump. Our fertilizer is the old hay we use as mulch, a local resource which would otherwise be simply thrown away. The water the garden uses, not a lot, is balanced out by the increased fertility of the soil and greater volume of plant material growing on the land, which also inhibits landslides, which are a very real consideration on our property. I've introduced exotic plant species, but also look for and introduce local native plants to the garden. If I haven't made it clear before, this is anything but prime farmland I'm gardening on, and it would be either grass, brush turning to woodland, or weeds--all three locally abundant--if I weren't gardening there. My husband and I plan on expanding the garden, and we're in a hurry, as he's my chief labor force and is currently in his late seventies, and won't be able to dig planting holes and steer the motor scythe forever. We get poorer every year and I don't see how we'll be able to hire anybody to do the work he does now. Everyone has a limit, or so I suppose, and I suspect that mine is somewhere in the neighborhood of 600-800 varieties of roses. But I don't know whether we'll get there before our resources, of money and manpower, give out. I'm wondering if I can't borrow a horse to be a living lawn mower: I'm told they eat only grass. The money isn't that big a deal. Some people buy clothes or go to the movies or eat out; I buy plants, at moderate expense. I also give and receive a lot of plants, and this cooperative aspect of gardening is one of its aspects that matters to me. But I certainly do wonder at times why I'm dedicating my life to a garden that no one ever sees. This is frustrating, and it also offends, quite deeply, my sense of thrift. I will feel my garden has been a failure if it remains unknown and never touches anyone's life, no matter how beautiful I succeed in making it. It's too much for one person alone to enjoy. I'm familiar with the sensation of greed, and it's an uncomfortable feeling. In spite of the ambitious scale of my garden, my desire to keep working on it doesn't feel like greed to me, not quite, and I certainly have thought about the matter. Could I spend my life more usefully? Quite possibly, as the chief practical result of my decade of labor seems to be that two acres of dirt are more fertile than they were before. I could be earning money, perhaps, staving off starvation and power cutoffs in my old age. That would certainly be useful, to me at any rate. As far as the work I might do is concerned, how many people do truly useful work, work that benefits society? Would I be doing something more globally useful if I had a job in advertising, say, instead of going out right now to shear grass and vetch in my rose beds? So many questions, so few answers. Melissa

Happy Happy Birthday to you! Don't ever stop celebrating, you only get one a year. So if you make it a 100, that is only 100 cakes you got just for being here! So just keep celebrating it with hostas. :) (This comes from a girl whose Mom died at 52, and as I now have less than ten years to get to that, I realize just how young she was.) So I think you should celebrate the whole month! I got my plants from Jim and was just as thrilled. I just never seem to find time to post photos. My Blue Shadows from Jim is in the ground and looking gorgeous. And Jim I think it is a crime if you don't tell us that you sell such gorgeous plants for such lovely prices! I don't mind any enabling, I mean advertising, and it isn't really advertising, it is just informing us as to a wonderful source for beautiful plants! I just came in for breakfast and now heading back out to plant! Oh and I am currently planning a kayaking/biking trip and trying to plan it around a garden visit. Hoping to go to Jim's in MN, but if anyone else wants to Iowa girls two show up on their doorstep for a tour somewhere in or a state close to Iowa, we are very flexible. We only need hostas and some type of water big enough for sea kayaks. :)

We have a neighbor like that. Yes, she does have a brother in another state. But she doesn't seem interested in having him her to help her. She is 80 and he is in his late 70's. She asked another friend of hers to be the executor of her estate. She is asking her to sell many of her things now. She also asks my husband to do many things for her. She gets free lawn cutting from a local group. I think she can afford to have this done. She owns a very small . house. Cluttered and this may be why the friend has suggested that she sell many of her collectibles. She doesn't eat well, as she doesn't cook. She uses our phone to talk long distance to call her family. I don't think she has actually talked to her brother but his wife always answers the phone. She writes to them and I wonder if he reads her letters. So sad. Do what you have to do to help your friend. Whatever the cost. Mary

K: My husband and I are currently in marriage counseling and we're going to soon have our fifth year anniversary--we married when I was 26 and hubby 28 (still relatively young). We also have a toddler. When I read your initial post, it was kind of like hearing my husband say the things he said to me. Of course our experience was not identical to yours, but there are similarities. We were no longer in the honeymoon phase within the first six months of marriage and every year, up until we finally started counseling, got harder and harder. I'd like to share with you one of the exercises our marriage counselor is having us go through. It requires both partners to think seriously about what their own needs are. I decided to think of my needs in terms of my marriage: what did I need from my marriage in order to be happy? The length of your list doesn't matter, and even if some of the items sound like wants, rather than needs, write them down anyway. Then each partner, if they feel comfortable, should share their list with the other. The next step is to decide whether or not you think you can meet your partner's needs. It requires honesty to get through this exercise, but it can be very enlightening. I'm still waiting for my husband to share his needs w/me, but I learned a lot about myself when I put my list together. Good luck, whatever you do please realize that you're working toward making the best choice you can.